You Think You Know But You Have No Idea: The iPad Edition

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Whether we're talking about its features (or lack there of) or giggling over its name, the iPad continues to be the talk of the town from Silicon Valley to bumpkin BFE to Silicon Alley.

(More on Techland: 19 Rejected Names For The Apple iPad)

Apple has once again done what no other company has been able to reproduce in the last decade: copious amounts of buzz. Some found the iPad disappointing while others herald it as the next big thing. I couldn't help but scoff when Steve Jobs took center stage at the Yerba Buena Center for the Arts and announced that he would be unveiling a “truly magical and revolutionary product.”

But is it truly magical? Revolutionary? It is, after all, just an enlarged iPod Touch, right? It is and it isn't depending on who you ask. The camp is clearly divided with a small sect beginning to grow off in the distance. You either love it or hate it based on available intel and rightfully so.

(More on Techland: Hands-on With the Apple iPad)

It is a big iPod Touch with nothing more than a large screen. No camera? No thanks. Customizable wallpapers? F*ck off, Apple. Really, you're just going to scale existing apps? Get the f*ck outta town. I don't care about iWorks or the Times repackaged content that I can get for free online for the next year. Yeah, I'll save my money and wait for the next gen or when the price will drop. Or so it goes.

And then you do have the hardcore Cult of Mac disciples that will go out in droves to purchase Jobs' latest creation and every iteration thereafter. I'm not entirely sure which camp I fall under ~48 hours later, but the group of dissidents off in the distance might be on to something.

So everyone is bitching and moaning over what the iPad doesn't do. Is a camera really necessary on a slab of aluminum and glass? Pull your head out of your ass, Internet. Even if the iPad does get a camera in the next revision, it's only going to be a forward facing camera for video calls. Think about it? LTE will be deployed by 2011. Besides, WTF is going to take pictures with the thing? It's cumbersome enough to try and take photos of yourself for your Facebook profile pic with the iPhone.

Netbooks are useless and I've said this before. Bitch about the on-screen keyboard all you want, but it's a better solution than the cramped chiclet sized keyboards available on 95 percent of the netbooks available today. You peck on either one. Yes, the dock sucks because it leaves the iPad in portrait mode, but some jackass accessory maker will retrofit some POS stand that let's you go landscape.

Is it going to save the publishing industry? No. I don't understand why everyone thought that Steve Jobs and the iPad would save the publishing industry to begin with. Apple is simply providing the industry with a vehicle to deliver their content on yet another device.

But what about battery life? Like Jobs said, 10 hours is enough, so quit your bitching. Point out one device with the capabilities of the iPad that can last longer? Your precious netbooks don't even come close.

Please STFU calm down about multi-tasking. We all bitch about it on the iPhone and, yet, Apple managed to sell 8.7 million last quarter, which is a 100 percent increase from a year-ago quarter. Is it a flaw? Absolutely. Who doesn't want to stream Pandora or whatever it is that you kids use while browsing the Web or checking e-mail? Play your own damn music, moron. But it would be nice for Web pages to load in the f'n background.

Flash! Does the iPad support it or not? Nope. Contrary to the fancy iPad video that clearly shows Flash being supported, it's not going to happen. Flash sucks and Macs are notorious for their inability to play nice with it. My MacBook sounds like it's about to take off any time I come across a Flash intensive site. Point the finger at both sides.

Are the games going to be any better? If either demo from Gameloft or EA should serve as an indication then we're screwed. I'm not shaking my iPad in public like that unless it's going to poop gold. Bottom line. The control scheme for shooters is atrocious enough on the iPhone and I will not stand for it on a device like the iPad.

(More on Techland: iPad's Gaming Prospects: EA and Gameloft React)

But I can't argue with the fact that the device isn't easily portable. And something about an exposed piece of glass that big makes me uneasy. If I happen to get one I'm mostly going to use it at home on the couch or in bed. I'm sure as hell not taking it on the subway. I thought about what it would be like to use on an airplane and then my neck started to cramp up.

Why does everyone feel the need to bitch about the price? It's dirtfuckingcheap. The data plan alone made me squeal. No contract, people. Doesn't matter if you have to use it with AT&T. The iPhone doesn't work on T-Mobile's 3G network, so why would you expect the iPad to?

No, the iPad isn't a Kindle killer either. Sweet jeebus, people. Don't your eyes hurt after looking at computer screen all day? ALL DAY?! The iPad will make for a better comic or magazine reader than it will newspapers or books.

(More on Techland: "You're Not Going To Read For 10 Hours," Says Steve Jobs)

Yes, I'm extremely disappointed with the iPad in its current state, but I'm still going to pine over it for the next two months. Why? Because I'm f'n excited to see what the developers can do with that much real estate and, what appears to be, the full potential of Apple's acquired FingerWorks multi-touch technology. I pooh-poohed the iWork demo, but Schiller did a hell of a lot more than pinching. In the midst of finishing this up, I noticed that Matt over at Gizmodo agrees and points out the "popovers" as well.

This is what will make the iPad successful, people. This is what excites me more than anything else. Like the iPhone, Apple is relying on the hive mind of developers across the globe to make the iPad a success. Apple has made how many apps for the iPhone? Two? We will undoubtedly have to wade through thousands of shit apps before we find those priceless gems but we've all come to grips with this over the last two years and will continue to deal with it until Apple does something about it. Assuming they bother to do anything.

So I'm going to let all of you bicker about what the iPad can and can't do because we honestly have no idea what it can or can't do yet.

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Comments (17)

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  1. Heh. Apparently everyone who complains that this thing isn't portable doesn't carry a handbag. (And probably doesn't know someone who does.)

    The GF was measuring hers yesterday. She's good to go.

    Church

    Jan. 29, 2010 20:41pm

  2. I'm comparing it against the iPhone. It's on par with netbooks and notebooks in regards to size.

    Peter Ha

    Jan. 29, 2010 20:45pm

  3. Nerdrage! You go, sir.

    masurix

    Jan. 29, 2010 22:41pm

  4. I'd be more excited about it if the web browser was as capable as a browser on a regular PC. FLASH. To be a complete browsing experience it simply must support FLASH. Flash is so ubiquitous that it's just simply a requirement. Ignoring Flash doesn't make it any less necessary for a complete browsing experience and I don't think that asking for that experience for $500+ is too much to ask.

    charlieromeobravo

    Jan. 29, 2010 23:04pm

  5. frankly i'm fine with no camera, battery life, on screen keyboard etc. the only thing that bothers me is that is has no frigging file management system! and with that, of course, the USB and/or memory card slot.

    imagine you have a file on another computer, or a friend wants to show you a file on his USB stick, or a picture he has just taken on his camera, does Apple really expect us to boot our own computer, fire up iTunes, then transfer the files there, then sync it to the iPad?

    puzzling.

    yonan32

    Jan. 30, 2010 05:34am

  6. App development is really where the iPad is going to innovate. Yet, until it gets a camera for iChat/Skype, this Appleholic isn't going to get.

    guymont

    Jan. 30, 2010 11:08am

  7. I have seen the face of modern journalism and it told me to STFU. Please, more LOLZ and ROFLZ. This article couldn't be more schizophrenic if it tried.

    kabong30

    Jan. 30, 2010 12:53pm

  8. @yonan32 That's one "bug" or "fault" that I can't address because it's true. We have enough accessories or doodads to carry around as is, but the airstash that I wrote about last weekend is one possible solution.

    @guymont I don't skype/ichat enough to care all that much.

    @kabong30 I can haz ROFLcopter? Where are my meds?

    Peter Ha

    Jan. 30, 2010 13:38pm

  9. I think the camera can be an optional accessory, one that just plugs in like the PSP. With it you can tilt it both ways to be fron and back facing. Design wise, that's the best way to go and oh yea, since you gotta pay more for it...probably will cost a bomb too.

    micro43

    Jan. 30, 2010 19:54pm

  10. @micro43 I don't see that happening. At least not from Apple.

    Peter Ha

    Jan. 31, 2010 18:33pm

  11. People, Steve Jobs was sitting in a chair! It's not meant to be portable. It's a home device for entertainment/web use. It's for home individual and family use — Browse the web, play games, bring it in the kitchen to read a recipe or watch a show while you cook. It's a home device. My wife is ALWAYS on our laptop browsing for hours on end and I'm stuck writing a screenplay on my ipod touch. I do agree with the file mgmt deficiency— besides that, I'm all in.. for version 2 if I can hold out.

    rtl3

    Feb. 1, 2010 11:43am

  12. I LOVE Steve Jobs and his technology! Go Apple!

    queenhoneybee50

    Feb. 1, 2010 12:35pm

  13. @rtl3 *touches nose* I had this exact conversation during lunch. I see myself using this on the couch and in bed. No way am I taking this on the subway or liveblogging the next Apple event with it. I'm on the fence about using it on the plane.

    Peter Ha

    Feb. 1, 2010 15:04pm

  14. Just as the 1984 Macintosh computer transformed the newly arrived personal computer thru its Xerox conceived graphical user interface, the iPhone/Touch/Pad is transforming the way we input/interact with a computer. I remember back in 1985 my university professor colleagues scoffing at the Mac's GUI as not being about "real" computing... and that it would never catch on in academia-- especially in the math and natural science field.

    The key thing to remember about Apple, is that they can now afford to set a consumer-centered trend that others in their industry will follow.

    When we get to 2018, we will look back at the iPad and see that it was a precedent-setter for stuff we'll take for granted then. Just like we now take for granted the GUI on our Mac or PC (or the iPhone- influenced GUI on our touchscreen fones).

    By then, my youngest granddaughter will be 13, carrying an iPad like device to school instead of a 25lb bookbag... listening to her favorite music and watching videos both assigned by her teacher and by her peers... checking in video form with her moms and pops... and maybe giving me a vid-call to tell me about her latest favorite eBook.

    blackeducator

    Feb. 1, 2010 15:28pm

  15. Surfaces are more exciting than a hand held screen that runs pre-recorded apps you could technically run on anything... and at a disadvantage.

    Have to agree the lack of flash is annoying. And I'd also rather play on a DS if I want to play games. It probably won't be long till the next ver. of Nintendo has internet access. And then this thing really won't provide a service at all, unless you like to be trendy.

    Jobs founded his company on the idea that people who don't understand computers don't want to, and so they should be sold dumbed down products at twice the cost to protect them from themselves and to make more money doing it. The i-pad will succeed, maybe, for this reason alone.

    I assume you can't browse the web & listen to music at the same time though. And I certainly wouldn't have been able to type this up.

    gum0nshoe

    Feb. 1, 2010 16:43pm

  16. Call me crazy but Comic Book publishers would be insane to not not get an an app up and running for this by March.The "hold it in your hand" compulsion is what's holding back digital comics. Reading comics on the Ipad sounds like it would be a dream.

    rtl3

    Feb. 1, 2010 16:46pm

  17. @rtl3 that's what I'm counting on.

    Peter Ha

    Feb. 1, 2010 20:32pm